Allow yourself to release the hate and embrace the calm through Vipassana

I have read studies showing that solitary confinement can drive an individual to their demise. As it will literally crush their soul.

But what if they choose that confinement willingly?

Although Vipassana meditation is many things to many people for me, it initially was my prison. A voluntary plea of guilty; Guilty of ignoring my self-care, my body wishes, to believing the perceptions of others. It was my cry for help as I didn’t know how to say “No” anymore to the thoughts, ideas, and actions that did not serve me.

It was a chance encounter as a fellow toastmaster discussed their upcoming trip into 12 days of silence (they say ten, but it is 12 when you break it down). Silence in the middle of nowhere (Youngstown, Ab), in a room of strangers just as desperate as you, with reduced meals, no meat, no masturbation and more. Yep, prison.

I still remember seeing my room for the first time. I lucked out and got a private room. I small room, with a small Ikea bed and a dresser. All I could think is “This was now my life,” as the shower schedule hung behind me, screaming at me to secure my 15min spot ASAP.

What had I agreed to?

What accommodations were these?

Why didn’t I sneak in snacks?

Was I so low that I thought deprivation was the only answer?

Honestly?… YES.

I was wallowing in misery I had created and continued to amplify. To be 💯 transparent, the only reason I didn’t run right back home was pride. Those who doubted my ability to find silence would now see how silent I could be. Ironically my ego was smacked right out of me by Day 2. I realized that proving something to others was killing me and leaving them unphased, and they focused on their lives. I learned lots about my interactions, my values, my appreciation, and even my own self-entitlement… Crazy what you can see when you sit in silence. A year later, as I met regularly with other individuals who also have participated, I realize many things:

1. Change does happen in the stillness and quiet of our minds.
2. I realize (most of the time) the confrontation isn’t worth it, and internal focus and self-love is worth everything.

However, many still ask…

Did I learn how to ascend my mind to a quiet place for 60 continuous minutes?

No, because it is not about the length or ascension because every day, my practice is slightly different. Some days I am an excellent textbook meditator, and other days I resemble my niece after too much red candy.

BUT, I have ascended to a place where I understand that to obtain peace, I need to focus on continual growth.

I’m at the point of self-learning and self-questioning without judgement.

Why did I do that?

What was the purpose?

See, I won’t tell you Vipassana is a beautiful Spa filled with roses of nirvana. Still, I will say it’s the first step in clearing out the toxic energy, traits and interactions we bring into our lives. I will tell you whatever financial excuse you have, can and will be eliminated once you embrace the journey ( especially since it’s free). I will assure you this is not a cult or religious expedition expecting you to convert and spread the word of

Vipassana.

Vipassana is you, and you are vipassana.

Tips for Surviving Vipassana

• Eat a burger or meat substance as close to entry as possible — You will get your nutrients daily, but for some, the remnants of that burger keeps them going.
• DON’T QUIT- it does get better.
• Bring extra socks and layers. I went in winter and found I was always so cold.
• Bring an alarm — No phones allowed, and I could not figure out how to set the one they provided me with.
• Accept you will screw up, but it’s not a screwup… We’ve all been there before, but due to the silence, we can not tell you that.
• Ask questions!!!!!!!
• At lunch and at the end of the day, you can ask questions and do it. This allowed me the opportunity to know it would get better. Listen to others questions let me know I wasn’t the only one feeling bat shit crazy.
• Accept in advance your gut may not immediately adjust to a vegetarian lifestyle.
• Bring walking gear. You may think I don’t need to walk, but it’s very calming, so take the opportunity when they give it to you.
• You will remember the super important thoughts you had in there.
• You are stronger than you realize.
• Grab an abundance of pillows and props in the beginning. You can always return them, but in group meditations, you can’t leave cause your bum is numb.

For more information you can visit: https://www.karuna.dhamma.org/